Our Love
by Butterflyshadow
Summary: Kirsty and Kane decide to leave the bay but letting go is harder than they or the Sutherlands ever could have dreamt.
1. Default Chapter

Authors Note : I don't own H&A or the song that I used in this (which is by The Corrs) This is based around the time that Kirsty and Kane first left the bay. The first chapter is in Kirsty's POV but that may change later. Every chapter will start with a song or poem. This one is the introduction. Please RR; I really apreciate it, thanks a lot!

**Chapter One**

**Time Enough For Tears**

_Let's read the trees and their Autumn leaves, _

_As they fall like a dress undone _

_At the end of Summers, love will find lovers _

_Who need the shadows of a winter sun_

_Don't tell me you're leaving we can hide in the evening _

_It's getting darker than it should _

_If we read the leaves as they blow in the breeze _

_Would it stop us now, my love?_

_Time enough for hard questions _

_Time enough for all our fears _

_Time is tougher than we both know yet, _

_Time enough for tears_

_The moon is milk and the sky where it's split _

_Is magic, and we all need to believe, that we can _

_Wake up in the dream, it's not as hard as it seems _

_You know its harder to leave_

_Time enough for being braver _

_Time enough for all the fears _

_Time is tougher than we both know yet _

_Time enough for tears_

_I heard you say underneath your breaths _

_Some kind of prayer I heard _

_You say underneath your breath that you never _

_want, to feel this way about anybody else_

_Time enough for hard questions _

_Time enough for all our fears _

_Time is tougher than we both know yet _

_Time enough for tears_

_Time enough for being braver _

_Time enough I love this time of year, _

_Time is tough, its running away from us, _

_Time enough for tears_

_Time enough for tears _

_Time enough for tears_

I liked to look out of the window and watch the passing cities. The worlds of nameless people flying past us in an instant. And we don't have to look back. Not if we don't want to. Everything we have is here and now. Our future is marked out in the long road in front of us, we don't care to look at all the details. The tiny pebbles and footprints remain distant and untouched. It's not that we're scared to lean forwards and examine them; we're just caught up in this moment, this feeling, this love. Our love. Since we fell in love our relationship has been surrounded in secrecy. I've always wondered what it would be like for us to be free. I wanted people to look at me and him and just see us for who we are. I wondered what it would be like to live without the silenced anger beneath everyone's words. I wondered what it would be like to shake off the labels that my parents and all the people that know have fastened on us. I wondered what it would be like to escape the endless, squeezing guilt. Everytime I see my sister's face. Everytime I lie to her about where I've been and where I'm going. So we did it. We left.

I didn't leave any note or tell anyone what we were about to do. It was another secret but this time it was a delicious secret. One that was wrapped up in excitement and danger. A wild feeling that my body aches for. It was strange, all those years of family life left behind without an explaination or a single goodbye. Right before we left I kept remembering things. Stupid things like how Jade and I used to make up our own words to the Disney songs and sing them during long car journeys to annoy the crap out of our parents. I remembered how Dani once took me to a football match when Dad was too busy. I must have been about eight at the time and it's one of those childhood memories that doesn't have a single flaw. Everything is shining and golden. She bought me coke and crisps on the way and we joined in with all the silly chants and repeated them all the way home. Mum and Dad got a bit narked because some of them were rude but for once Dani seemed to enjoyed doing something a bit rebellious, she sang those songs louder than me. I remembered how every night without fail Mum and Dad used to tuck Jade and I up in our beds and whisper "Sweet dreams, see you tomorrow." I remember breathing in their smells, feeling comfortable and secure. I didn't cry but something inside of me felt broken. I knew I was leaving behind these childish things forever.

Now, in the car with him, I have no regret, no longings for home, nothing but danger and excitement, nothing but an endless love for him. I want to make this moment last forever. A moment when it's just me and him, unflawed and golden like in those memories I had so quickly walked away from. Blue eyes, they look at me and speak so many things, endless road with so many twists and turns, breathing in his breath, sharing in his dreams. Dani, Mum, Dad, Jade... everything can wait. This is what I have been waiting for my whole life. This limitless feeling, this unrestricted thinking, this moment. There'll be time enough for worrying and planning. There'll be time enough for tears.


	2. Left Behind

**This chap is told from Jade's point of veiw. I thought it was important to get this in early to explain things that happen in later chapters ;o) Hope you like! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this fic. I don't own the song either which is by Dido and is called "Worthless".**

_I know why you're leaving_

_and I'll just let it be_

_I am left with nothing_

_and now you're lost to me_

Things are always easy in books. There's struggles of course and conflicts and wars and deaths but in the end everything is always alright. They get married, have a couple of kids or just walk off smiling into the sunset. Everything is always resolved, there's nothing you're left wondering about. Every worry is set to rest, every problem has found a way of getting solved, every question has found a way of getting answered. If only real life were as simple. My experience of life is, there's always something hidden beneath smiles. There's always some question you haven't got around to answering yet, someone's story that hasn't been told and some worry that nags at you. Even when people die, they can't walk away smiling into the sunset, there's always something.

It's been a month since Kirsty left. When I came home that Saturday and found the house empty, I wasn't worried. I knew that Kirsty was grounded but she's always breaking the rules and by that time I had gotten really sick of it and I told myself that she wasn't going to listen to me anyway so there was no point in me getting involved. It wasn't so long ago that she and I used to be best friends as well as sisters. We knew absolutely everything about each other and we even had a weird psychic connection so we could tell what each other was feeling. But since she got to a certain age, Kirsty started changing. She didn't really want anything to do with me anymore and her feelings had become unreadable, like somewhere inside her she had closed a door on me and the rest of the family. She ditched our old group of friends and started to hang around with these mature, sophisticated looking girls from the hairdressers where she had quit school in order to work. I was really worried when she started going out to clubs at night but as usual she just said that I was getting as bad as Colleen and brushed my fears away like those sort of places were completely safe for a fourteen year old girl. When she had the drug overdose it really seemed like she had learnt her lesson. She was ever so apoligetic at first and Mum and Dad did their overprotective thing, desperate to make sure that she couldn't get into trouble like that again. I knew that Kirsty felt guilty about what she did but when you try and box somebody in, like Mum and especially Dad did, it always leads to rebellion of some kind. Kirsty started going out when she wasn't supposed to, lying to them and every day there seemed to be some sort of fight between them. She wouldn't let me in when I tried to be understanding although that was very hard when people are as annoying and stubborn as Kirsty was then. She wouldn't listen to anything Mum and Dad had to say and whenever I tried to make things right between them she accused me of sticking my nose in where it wasn't wanted, acting like a school-teacher or a mini-Dani. I remember the night before she went off on the ill fated Mirigini and some row or another was hanging in the air between her and Mum and I had been trying to persuade her to make an effort. I told her I was sick of living in a war zone and she was behaving like a spoilt brat. She looked at me with her eyes narrowed, her mouth curling down like she had a bitter taste on her tongue.

"I thought you were on my side." She spat, "I thought I could trust you, Jade but just because I'm not as perfect as you you're all ganging up on me."

"That's not how it is and you know it." I folded my arms. "It's not about being perfect but you've changed and I miss the old you. I hate the new you. All she does is cause problems and hurt people."

I've regretted those words ever since and every time I think of that regret, which is pretty often nowerdays, I think of her face the way it was then. Her chin thrust forward and her cheeks red with rage but her brown eyes so full of hurt. In fact, if I looked close enough I probably would have seen tears hovering beneath them. She quickly wiped the look away though and looked at me with contempt.

"Changing is called growing up and I really hope that you do it soon. Maybe then you won't be such a selfish, snobby little princess!" She slapped me right across the face so hard that when I looked in the mirror I could still see the imprint of her hand in blood red. She looked a little shocked at herself but not as shocked as me, I held on to my cheek and sobbed.

"You cow. I'm going to tell Mum and she'll make sure you're not allowed to go anywhere."

"Yeah go running to Mummy like a good little baby. Do you think I care? Has it stopped me before?" She smiled wickedly and then slammed the door on the way out of our bedroom. I sat on my bed and cried into my knees. I think that was the moment that I knew and I might have been in denial afterwards and hung on to her because I was too scared of the truth but right then I knew that we had lost her. The Kirsty I used to know was gone forever.

When the boat went down I thought she would die and my depressing thoughts had been realised. When she came back I was so glad, so relieved she was alive. But as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise, when she was rescued, even before then, she wasn't ours anymore. She was _his. _I knew as soon as I saw the look in her eye when I sat by her hospital bed. I knew as soon as I heard that it had been _him_ who had been there with her for all those days in the bush. I knew as soon as I heard her saying that he had been a bit of a hero, saved Mum's life and apparently was "misunderstood". She tried to tell me that he had a hard childhood, they had confided all this in each other, she said, out there in the bush. I looked at her and thought "How can you do this to Dani? To all of us? When I look at that... that monster all I can see is hatred. Deep burning hatred for what he did to my sister. And if she really loved Dani, she would feel nothing but what I feel." So I hated her too. I hated her and I didn't want to understand. There was nothing to understand but the fact that she wanted to get back at us for the way we had treated her before, the way we had boxed her in. But why? Why did she have to do it in such a cruel, heartless way? To hurt Dani who had been through so much already at the hands of _him_. To hurt Dani who didn't and still doesn't suspect that her own sister could be so wicked. To hurt Dani who was nothing but kindness to her, feeling guilty for not knowing about the drug overdose, wanting to do something, anything, to make Kirsty feel better. God, I hate Kirsty for that. I look at her empty bed and I hate her for running away and leaving me. I hate her for changing. But most of all I hate her for the look on Dani's face. She looks so torn up inside. Torn up with guilt because she thinks it's somehow her fault that Kirsty ran away. I wish I never had a sister. I wish my sister hadn't changed. I wished I could slap her, pull her to her senses, make her see. But she's miles away, god knows where with _him_ and there's been so much searching but she hasn't been found. She won't be coming back. We've lost her forever.

Dad caught hold of my arm as I was making my way down the stairs with this journal a little while ago. I could tell from the look on his face that whatever he was about to say had something to do with Kirsty and her disappearance. Everyone wears the same look around here. Dark eyes framed with lines and bags, sad little mouths that droop with the weight of so many worries, so many possibilities. It's hard losing a family member but it's even harder when you don't know what has happened to them. I prayed that she would just get in touch, just to let us know he hadn't hurt her or anything. Maybe I would hate her a little less then.

"Jade... Your Mum and I have been talking and we've decided to tell Dani the truth about why your sister ran away... and who she ran away with... If we keep this secret any longer then..." I knew what he was saying. If we kept the secret any longer we would lose Dani too. What trust we put in family bonds! And how soon these bonds can be broken.

"I don't think she'll be able to take it." I muttered. Dad rubbed my shoulder and tried to smile.

"I don't think any of us can take it but we have to, that's what life's about."

I opened my mouth to say something more but just then Dani's bedroom door slammed and she came jogging down the stairs towards us, made up to the eyeballs, in skimpy clothes with a light smile on her lips. "What do you two look so guilty about?" She asked, giggling. "Should I have felt my ears burning?"

"No, we were just talking about Kirsty." I said quickly and she didn't seem to notice the way Dad's huge brown eyes, exactly the same as my twin's, clouded over with guilt. Dani's back straightened a little and she chewed the edge of her lip.

"There hasn't been any news, has there?"

"No. Where are you off to anyway?"

"Oh. Just out..." She smiled secretively and adjusted her handbag across her petite frame.

"Going to see Josh then?" I said, noticing the way she was wearing her "special" clothes. She gave me a look like I reminded her of someone she really disliked then twiddled with her hair.

"Um... Yes. Yeah, I'm going to see Josh."

"Make sure you're back for dinner!" Dad called as she bounded to the bottom of the stairs leaving behind her a cloud of the expensive perfume Josh, her boyfriend, had given her for her last birthday. Dad looked across at me. So they were going to tell Dani at dinner. They were going to wreck her life at dinner. I shuddered, hugged my journal closer, then followed her down the stairs.

**So, what did you think?? Please RR and let me know!!!**


	3. Long Road

**Author's Note : **Thanks for the reviews so far! I really appreciate them. Now, it's back to Kirsty's POV. Obviously I don't own the song at the start of this (it's way too good to have come from me!) Richard Ashcroft does and it's called "The Miracle". I also don't own the characters as much as I wish I did! Please read and review!!

****

** Long Road**

_It's gonna be a long, long road_

_Gonna be a million paths to sow_

_Gonna be trouble on the way_

_Gonna get your fair share of the pain_

_And there's gonna be laughter and joy_

_Gonna be friends that you're gonna destroy_

_And there's gonna be family that don't exist_

_And there's gonna be people that you wished you'd never missed_

Sometimes I think that working in a supermarket is one of the worst jobs in the world. The customers look straight through you as if you're not even there. They're too busy trying to work out whether they'll still have enough money left for a drink later on or where they can hide that pack of cigarettes so their boyfriend won't find it. Sometimes you'll get chatting about mindless things like the weather or the price of sliced bread nowerdays and I feel like every second, every minute a year is being added on to my age in that disgusting gingham overall they make us wear. Still, it's a job, it pays for the rent and gives us some kind of security. Besides, I'm not going to be working here forever. I'm going to night classes, see, and I'm going to get qualifications and then a really well paid job so that we can have a proper house. Besides, I've worked in worse places.

When we first got away from Summer Bay, Kane found us jobs at an orchard picking oranges. It was fun at first and we even got accommodation thrown in. Okay, so it was a shitty little room but I thought we could manage there. I'd do anything, sleep anywhere, just to be with him. At night he would hold me and I felt so secure. I could just imagine Mum's face if she knew we were sharing a bed. But it wasn't like that. Not then. He wouldn't rush me into anything. We would just hold each other and talk and make plans for the future. We have all these little in-jokes. Weird things that if anyone else heard they would think we were major dags. Sometimes I would miss my family. I'm not completely heartless you know. I even thought about phoning home once or twice. Espeically when Kane was late home and I could hear voices outside. Once someone even tried the door. But I just kept thinking we have to keep going, we can do this. Besides, what would I say? What could I possibly say after all the hurt that I've caused them. It's beyond words. Completely beyond words. Then Kane would get back with something to eat and I could tell from his eyes that he was tired and worried but he'd still try and smile for me.

"I wish I could give you better than this dump." He would mutter as we ate our chips.

"I don't mind, I've told you. I don't want you to give me things. We work for them, together." He'd kiss me and I would taste the salt on his chips and it was all so perfect. I wouldn't have given it up to be back in my own bed. Despite the cockroaches and the weird smell and the shared toilets.

We had to leave the orchard. Things were getting way too creepy and Kane said he didn't like leaving me alone there. I could tell he was thinking of taking me back to Summer Bay. He thought that every town was going to be like that. Every room we stayed in was going to be dark, every job we had was going to be shoddy. So I made a point of sitting up front with him in the car. I talked and talked about how there was so many jobs, so many possibilities, we just had to look for them. We just had to settle our eyes in the right place. Here's something about me, when I want something, I want it so bad that no-one can stop me. There's no going half-way, there's no giving up at the first hurdle. I have an aching inside of me sometimes and it won't stop until I've got what I want. It's like with Kane. I tried so hard to stop it. Those of you who think I was being selfish, that I fell in love with Kane just to hurt Dani and that no matter how much I loved him, how much it hurt I should have stopped it for her sake. You can't tell until you've been there. Until you've lain awake at night sobbing. Until you've listened to somebody's stories, got underneath their skin, looked into their eyes and felt that all your wildness, all your bad points, all your good points, all those little ways that no-one knows about, can be contained within them. And taking in all of theirs too, keeping a person within yourself, no matter where they are. Even if I had stopped it for her would that have been being kind to her? Everyday I would have looked at her and thought of what she took away. I know it's not her fault and I know that it was Kane that made the mistake in the first place but you can't choose who you fall in love with, neither can you switch those feelings off or stop yourself from feeling bitter towards the person who forced you apart.

"So... where do you want to go?" Kane asked, the day we left the orchard. He had pulled over and was sitting there, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

"Lets just drive." I said, leaning back on to the car seat, feeling totally relaxed. "And stop wherever we feel like."

He shook his head and laughed. "Sometimes I think I better drop you off at the mental asylum and escape while I still can."

I had pushed the seat right back so I was lying horizontal. "Do you think they'll put me in a straight jacket?"

"And you'll be locked in a padded room." He turned the key and started the engine.

"But you would come and visit me, right?"

"Nah. I'd be too ashamed of my mental girlfriend. I'd be on the first train out of Australia."

I pulled my seat upwards again and clicked my seatbelt into place and after giving him a hard slap for his fake disloyalty I looked at him seriously. "You weren't going to take me any further, were you? You were gonna drop me off in Summer Bay and go off without me."

"No..." He gave me a guilty glance then stared intently at the road ahead.

"Don't lie."

"I... I sometimes think you're better than this sort of life." He said and I could tell that saying all this was making him uneasy from the way his knuckles were turning white as he gripped the steering wheel tighter and tighter.

"Well, don't." I leaned into his shoulder. "Nothing is better than you and me, okay?"

"Okay." He put one arm around me and we snuggled up together. This all happened three weeks ago and now we're in this new town and everything is slotting together. I work at the supermarket and Kane works at the factory. We have got a flat together and at night we go to evening classes. It's busy, so busy. But there's always time for us because we make time. There's the weekends and the nights. I feel like a different person. Adult. New. Fresh. But there's still a bit of the old left in me. The bit of the fourteen year old girl who wants to go to school and chat to her friends and not have any worries except whether she's going to make the football team. But I can control her. She's barely alive, feeding on these moments at the supermarket when everything is so dull and routinely boring.

It was one of those days when I found myself throwing up in the staff toilets. It had been happening a lot throughout the past week or so and I had also been feeling sort of strange. I thought it was nothing at first, just a bug or something. But it was that day, leaning on the grey wall of the cubicle, holding my stomach through my the disgusting red checked overalls they made us wear, that I realised it might be something. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and took a few deep breaths. I had that horrible, dizzy sick feeling and I just needed a few minutes to get myself together.

"Kirsty?" I heard high heels on the tiled floor. "Are you in there?"

Wearily I sighed and stepped out of the cubicle to face my boss. She was twiddling with a strand of her short red hair, obviously annoyed because I had left the check-out unmanned. I decided if she had a go at me I'd have one right back. She had always made it obvious that she thought I was unreliable because I was supposedly just eighteen, straight from school. Imagine how it would be if she found out I was only fourteen! They never doubted me when I told them my age. A couple of the other girls even asked me to come out for a drink with them. She glared at me and then her green eyes softened a little and she put a hand on my arm.

"You look terrible. What's the matter?"

"Sorry Elaine, I just felt a bit ill. I..."

"Yes, you're very pale. Why don't you get yourself cleaned up and then go home? I can't have my staff working in your condition." She hugged her clipboard closed to her and paused in the doorway on her way out. "And don't come in if you're feeling bad tomorrow. I'd rather you not be here at all than keep running off to the toilets."

"Okay." If I didn't feel so bad, I would be pleasantly surprised. Elaine was the sort of boss who thought _nothing _should stand in the way of working. It was annoying really seeing as it was only a crappy supermarket on the edge of town, it wasn't like they needed all the help they could get.

"It's probably a bug or something." She added, "There's a lot of it going about."

My hands shook as I splashed cold water on myself. Was it a bug? It didn't feel like one. I wiped the tears from my eyes. I was only fourteen and we always use protection. I couldn't be, could I???


End file.
